For the longest time I was obsessed with gaining experience.  I kept saying that I was a photographer, but that I was “just starting out.”  It was how I justified taking on sessions that maybe I didn’t really want to do.  Or making sacrifices with my pricing because I really just needed to take pictures.  There has to come a time when I stop saying that, and I’ve recently decided that it’s now.  I’m no longer starting out.  I am a photographer.  I have experience.  Now comes the time when I start asking myself, what do I want to do with it?

Just in case you want to read a little more, I came across this letter this morning on the awesome website Letters of Note.  This excerpt comes from a letter F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote to his daughter, Scottie while she was away at camp.  To read it in its entirety, go here.  I particularly liked what he had to say about worrying:

“Halfwit, I will conclude.

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship
Worry about. . .

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions

Things to think about:

What am I really aiming at?
How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

With dearest love,

Daddy”

I leave you with a few images from my weekend away in Madison, because I never seem to get around to posting personal images anymore, and I want to do it before I forget or get sidetracked again.  Also another Happy Mother’s Day to my amazing mother, who has been rooting for me from the very start.  I love you.

Love. Meg.

Anyway, back to that fantastic weekend thing.  I was in Madison this past weekend spending time with some of my favorite people and, best of all, celebrating the marriage of Meagan and John in the city’s gorgeous Capitol building.  Their ceremony was full of little personal touches and happy crying, which I definitely found myself joining in on more than once.  And if the amount of noise that everyone made after the ceremony when the bride and groom made their grand exit was any indication of how thrilled their guests were for them…well, let’s just say they more than drowned out the small crowd of protestors on the street.  And it was awesome.  :)

Meagan and John, I hope you’re living it up down in New Orleans!  Can’t wait to show you more!

Love. Meg.

More soon!

Love. Meg.

I am so thrilled that I was able to capture Megan and Jason at this time in their lives.  They were my very first couple.  And I feel like I’ve come a long way since we wandered around taking “practice” pictures that ended up becoming their engagement photos.  I’ve learned so much in that time and I’m really glad I was able to share what I’ve learned with them.  Their marriage has blossomed in so many ways since they exchanged vows almost two years ago.  Again, it was an absolute gift to spend time with them and see that.  And to top it all off, they are preparing for a big move to New Hampshire this month for Jason’s new job.  So of course this session was bittersweet for me in many ways as well.  Jason, a pharmacy student (until a week or two from now I believe!), was on rotations for almost a year – they took him around the country and away from Megan.  The excitement they are both feeling about the next stage was palpable.  But I couldn’t tell if it was the idea of living somewhere new or just the idea of living together, finally, for more than a month or two at a time, that excited them more.

There was some crying during this session, but I’d be lying if I said that a lot of it wasn’t coming from me.  There were so many little beautiful moments between Megan and Jason and I love that I got so wrapped up in them I almost forgot to click the shutter.  Those moments spoke volumes about their love.  They have such admiration for one another.  They respect each other.  They are the kind of people that give you hope that there are other marriages and relationships like this that exist out in the world.  Relationships where you know without a doubt that those two people belong together and ISN’T IT AMAZING that they happened to find one another.  These two make me feel, without a doubt, that I am where I’m meant to be.  Doing what I’m meant to do.

Ok, sorry, I could go on and on, but I suppose I’ll stop talking now.  Meg and Jason, I love you guys.  Thank you for everything.

Love. Meg.

P.S. The string art in the shape of New Hampshire was handmade by Megan (the crafty lady that she is).  The heart is right over the city they’ll be living in.  How adorable is that?!

Enjoy!

Love. Meg.

Love. Meg.

P.S. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m breaking some sort of photographer rule with this, but that B&W picture of them just makes my heart burst, so I’m using it. Yes, I forgot to have someone move those dumb volleyball net holder things, but oh well. We all make mistakes. And it’s my blog, so I can do what I want.

Oh, I love this day.  Six years ago I sat in my dorm room after class on the phone with you, which is where I could be found pretty much every free second of my day.  We talked about this and that and eventually, somewhere in the middle of the conversation, you asked me to be yours…and no one else’s.  And I said yes and turned my Claddagh ring around and couldn’t stop smiling for days.  Truth be told, I think we both knew that we were in love even then.  Before the words were said, that night when I was in Florida and we hung up and then you called me back to say them.  I read through some of our Facebook messages the other day, from the very beginning, and besides cringing at how ridiculous I was (and wondering why on Earth you ever wanted to date that), I saw the evidence of us falling in love right there.  In the words we wrote, but more so in what we didn’t write.  I love that the beginning of our story is right there to be revisited as often as we like.  I guess that’s one thing Facebook is good for.  Sometimes I look at you and I see the young Gabe who stood next to me on that high school stage 10 years ago, and I still can’t believe we ended up together.  But of course we did.  Because when you took my hand and you kissed me for the very first time, I knew I had been waiting for you.  Nothing has ever made as much sense as you do.  Every night when I crawl into bed, usually after you, even in your sleep you feel me there and you turn over and you pull me in and everything goes quiet.  You slow down the world for me.  Year after year I learn a million little new things to love about you, and I think the thing I love the most is that they’re mine.  Nobody gets to know you like I do.  Those parts of you that only I see are like the most beautiful secret that I’ll keep until the end.  You are my best friend.  When I gave you my heart six years ago, it was a little fragile and a little afraid.  But you’ve been taking such tender care of it ever since.  And I know without a doubt that I trusted it with the right person.  Thank you, for all of it.  I love you.

Me

Some days I really hate Facebook, but I was so grateful it existed after we parted ways.  A short time after the workshop ended, Kristina and I were exchanging messages to each other…talking about our hopes of getting to see each other again soon.  And then she asked me if, when we were in the same city again, I would shoot a Beloved session for her and her husband, Jake.  This is going to sound incredibly cliche (and perhaps the fact that I’m even pointing out that it’s cliche is a cliche in and of itself), but whenever anyone asks me to take their picture, I am honored.  I keep trying to think of a different way to describe how I feel because “honored” just feels empty to me – I guess it’s like getting a great big pat on the back every time.  Someone is acknowledging what I like to do and thinks I do a good enough job at it that they want me to do it for them.  It just feels great.  When Kristina asked me to do a Beloved session for her though, it was like that times 100.  It’s like we both took a pottery class together…neither of us knowing anything about pottery.  And after a few days of learning how to make pottery together she said, hey, you make good pottery.  Will you make something for me?  Except it’s way better than pottery because it’s pictures of her and the man she loves.  You get the idea.  Anyway, of course I jumped at the chance.

I love how this session evolved.  First it was a Beloved session for her and Jake.  And then it became a pseudo-family session as well because they had their beautiful daughter Kodie with them.  And then it was also sort of a maternity session because Kristina is pregnant (and due any day now…can’t wait to hear the news!).  I love it when it’s a bunch of things all rolled into one like that and when you boil it all down it’s basically: we’re here, we love each other, now let’s take some pictures.  What other reason do you need?

I adore this little family.  Something I’ve said about a lot of couples that I’ve shot so far is that they have “comfortable” love…and Kristina and Jake have that in spades.  They’ve been together for a long time and they’ve been through a lot (including long-distance…kudos to you two) and you can tell they are just at ease with one another.  And happy.  Man, are they happy.  And then there’s Kodie.  Beautiful, red-haired, funny, sassy little Kodie.  And I LOVE me some sass, I tell you what.  She was a little shy at the start of the session, but she warmed up quickly and pretty soon she was helping me take pictures of mom and dad and running laps with Gabe who was keeping her slightly distracted while I got Kristina and Jake on their own.  By the way, the last few pictures you’ll see were taken within a span of about 10-15 minutes while Kodie was running around and squealing nearby.  I love that it took practically nothing to get Kristina and Jake to focus on each other and let their emotions run free.

Before I move on to the pictures, I have to give a big shout out to the people who made the Lomokino.  I’m having a little bit of technical issues at the moment, so click here to see a short movie of them that was shot on this camera that Gabe got me for Christmas (dear husband, you rock at giving presents).  I’m head over heels for it.  It just makes the most beautifully imperfect little films.  I hope to be doing a lot more with it in the future.

Ok, that’s enough from me!  Enjoy!

Love. Meg.

So, in the spirit of starting fresh (and what better time of the year to do that than Spring?), here’s a little snippet of what life looks like around here lately.  I hope this insanely beautiful weather is treating you and yours so very well.  And I hope you’re crazy in love with life.

Let’s see, recently I…

1. Shot my very first band.  More to come on them and their awesomeness soon!
2. Had TWO Beloved sessions, which are now my very very favorite things to shoot.  I love weddings, don’t get me wrong, but there’s something so wonderful and intimate about Beloved that you just can’t get on a fast-paced day like that.  Yeah, and I don’t know what it is about that image where they all have their eyes closed, but it just feels good whenever I look at it.
3. Visited friends in Duluth where they actually had snow…remember what that used to look like?
4. Hung out in Stillwater with my lady friend Steph.
5.  Have been running around outside a lot with Gabe. The unexpected sunshine and warmth is doing something strangely wonderful to us both, we can’t be kept inside.
6. Went to a lighting workshop led by the fabulous Eliesa of Photogen Inc.
7. Discovered my cat’s new favorite thing to do…sitting on our shoulders.  So naturally I have to take a picture of her EVERY time she does it.  Naturally.
8. Went to the Ben Howard concert and was blown. away.
9. Discovered Blackbird.
10. Got a new camera, fell in love with it and have been carrying it around constantly ever since.
11. Have been falling more in love with Minneapolis. And Gabe. Duh.

M

I’ve worked myself into a blogging cycle.  Actually, let me re-phrase that.  I’ve worked myself into a “trying to talk myself into blogging” cycle.  I think about how long it’s been since I actually shared something personal on my blog (or because it’s the slow time of the year, the last time I posted anything at all), and then I feel guilty for neglecting it.  I tell myself that starting next week, I am going to blog twice a week.  I work a new schedule now at my day job so I have more time in the morning.  I can make time for that.  And them Monday rolls around and I am tired.  It’s Monday.  Start tomorrow.  And then eventually it’s Friday and I’m making myself that promise all over again.  And then I get bummed because I’m lacking inspiration.  And it’s been so long I don’t even know where to start.  And the only thing I can think of to write about is this, and who really wants to listen to me complain about being in a rut that I made for myself that exists for no reason at all?  As I typed that sentence the thought popped into my head that no one probably wants to read about it and yet here I am talking about it anyway.  But if I’m going to start this year fresh and turn things around for myself and my business, I might as well start with the truth about where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to.  Even if it is terribly unglamorous and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

I consider it divine providence then that just when I needed it the most, I was delivered a swift kick in the pants.  Last week I had the pleasure of “meeting” the lovely Melissa Oholendt for the first time.  I say meeting in quotes because we knew each other online but were finally going out on our first friend date.  It’s funny how things work like that in the photography community.  It’s like, hey, I know your whole life story because I read your blog but I’ve never seen you in real life until now.  Do we hug?  Do we shake hands?  Do I say, “Nice to meet you.”?  I have a lot of inner-dialogue going on in my head.  Anyway, we sat and we talked and I knew almost immediately that I wanted to be her friend and go on a lot more dates.  When we finally got around to chatting about photography, she asked me about my story.  When I tell that story, I usually start by saying that I am not a person who always knew I wanted to be a photographer.  It sort of fell into my lap.  But as I told the story this time, a realization started forming that didn’t become totally clear to me until yesterday, when I read this blog post that Melissa wrote.  She discusses a lot of her experience with branding and how she took the time to figure out what kind of client she wanted to work with.  And the line that stuck out to me was this: “You have to do what is right for your business and I do believe this means examining what motivates you to do and be better for your clients.” Suddenly that realization that started forming last week became clear.  No, I have not always known that I wanted to be a photographer, but I have been working towards becoming a photographer my entire life.  Because more than anything else, this business makes me feel like I am on the right track.  That I’m where I’m supposed to be.  And what motivates me is love.  I am an emotional person.  I get emotionally invested in people.  People I barely even know.  I love their stories.  I love to learn about what makes people tick and what makes them fall in love with each other and choose to spend the rest of their lives together.  I am motivated by the couples I meet and the love they share with each other and with me when I photograph it.  That is why I am doing this.  That is where my inspiration comes from.

Which leads me to Ashley and David.  They also helped me put my not quite fully-formed thoughts into words.  Because as all those thoughts were churning around in my head, I was spending a lot of time with them in Photoshop.  I’ll admit, editing is not always my favorite part of the process.  But as I was editing, I thought a lot about Ashley and David’s story and the things that I learned about them that I love.  Like how they met while they worked at the Como Zoo when they were in high school and have therefore known each other for a really long time.  And I love that even though they haven’t been together for all those years since high school, it felt to me like they had been moving towards each other that whole time…even when they were apart.  And I love that they have bad poetry they wrote for each other left over from their young high school days.  And that they have moved and traveled all over the world together, following their studies and supporting each other in those pursuits.  Even when it separated them for months at a time and they were forced to work it LDR*-style.  I love how scholarly and intelligent they are and how they could discuss their research one second and then break out into dancing to LMFAO (that they were singing for themselves) in the middle of the sidewalk the next.  I love how much they make each other laugh and, at the same time, how they had simple, quiet moments together that I didn’t notice until I sorted through the pictures I took.  Thinking about all those things (and more) made me enjoy editing for the first time in a long time.  It made me feel energized and excited and inspired.  They didn’t know it, but working with them is part of what is helping me get out of this rut.

*long-distance relationship

When I was in college studying English Lit with an emphasis on writing, I learned that the best way to overcome writer’s block is to write.  Doesn’t matter what it’s about…it doesn’t even need to pertain to the topic.  Just get words on paper and let your thoughts flow and you’ll be surprised at where you end up.  I’m beginning to understand how much that applies to other areas of life too.

If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for sticking through this mess of thoughts and feelings.  We met for this session exactly one month ago, on New Year’s Eve.  I can’t think of a better couple to kick off this year with than Ashley and David.  And I can’t think of a better way to begin this year than to start fresh.  From now on, you will see a lot more from me here.  More words, more pictures, more honesty and, above all else, more love.

To Ashley and David – you two are wonderful.  Thank you for asking me to be a part of your lives!  I can’t wait to celebrate with you later this year!

Ok, enough jibber jabber…onto the pictures!

Love, love and more love. Meg.

P.S. That cute little pup you see towards the bottom is Norman, David’s beloved dog.  Ashley asked if I would mind incorporating him into the session and I couldn’t say yes fast enough.
P.P.S. Also have to say a special thanks to Amelia for tagging along, helping keep an eye on things and staying bundled up in the wind while we traipsed all over downtown Stillwater.  You’re the bees knees my friend.