Oof. That seems as good a place to start as any, right? Oof. It feels good to type words here again. To write anything again. I bought this really awesome journal a while ago at Paper Source (a place I can never resist) and I thought for sure with all its inspirational quotes (which I also can’t resist) and the elephant (!) adorning the cover I was bound to write in it until many a pen ran dry (this has to be the most parenthetical phrases in a sentence ever). But alas, I just can’t seem to make myself a journaler again, try as I might. So here I sit with all these thoughts buzzing around in my head and because I have a brain that never shuts down, there are a lot of them. Once upon a time I wanted this place to become THE journal, the space where I shared not just photographs, but also those thoughts that are constantly bouncing off of one another. That is why I talk so much. If you know me in real life, you know this to be true. I have so many thoughts in my head, I have to get some of them out or I’ll blow a gasket. Like a cartoon, this layer of red would start at my feet and rise slowly until it hit the top of my head and steam would blow out of my ears. That’s not to say that every thought I need to get out of my mouth is smart, or insightful, or even worth saying half the time. Far from it. But isn’t that what journals are for? To write the things you need to say in that moment because they are true and years later you can look back and think about who you were or have yourself a good hearty LOL? I digress. This is what happens when I don’t wrote for ages, everything comes out in a big disorganized mess that even the most thorough proofreading can’t untangle.
So where have I been? One day, I sat down to write myself one of those for the hell of it posts and I realized that my blog, as it is now, was not a place that I wanted to hang out. How could I expect other people to want to come hang out here if I didn’t even like it? It didn’t inspire me in the least and most of that was because my branding was (is) ridiculously out of date. This space no longer felt like it reflected me, nor belonged to me. Just looking at it made me feel itchy, like I couldn’t sit still with it, and it became clear to me that it was time. Brand re-design time. My brand as you see it now was the product of brainstorming with my other half and utilizing his far superior Adobe Illustrator skills. And while it has worked for the past few years, I always knew that eventually I wanted to hire a real live designer who could help make sense of the ideas I had swarming around in my aforementioned busy head. So I found myself that real live designer and she is awesome. And awesomely patient. And the stuff we have been working on together makes me excited. And inspired again. Which is a whole other heap of awesomeness on top of it all. We still have quite a bit of work to do before the whole project will be completed, but suffice it to say, the reveal is coming soon and I can’t wait to share it with you. And I have big plans to finally become a journaler again in that new space I’ll create. Until then, it will probably remain pretty quiet here, but I will share new work in other places.
Speaking of new work, my absence hasn’t only been a product of a lack of inspiration to write here…I also have been having a very slow winter. It is strange to feel so stagnant and not busy after last year. And because I live in Minnesota, it has been a very slow, very LONG winter. Another thing to know about me, I make no secret of my distaste for that particular season. And living in a state where it can last, like this year, for 6 months, it makes me start to feel hopeless. And tired. And like I don’t want to do anything but lay around and be morose about the whole situation. I have become a poster child for Seasonal Affective Disorder. I don’t see any reason why one season should last for 6 months. But even though sometimes I think I should be living in California where seasons don’t exist, I know I would even get sick of sunny and 70 every day eventually. The beauty of seasons is found in their transitions – that first cool day of fall after a unbearably hot summer or, like we Minnesotans are grasping for now, that first telling warmth of spring after the winter that felt like it would never end. So here I am, waiting for that day when I see the first sign of some green living thing and can finally feel the warmth of the sun on my almost translucent skin. That first glorious week without a winter storm warning to muck it all up. I am writing this a few days prior to posting it and I hope by the time I do, things have improved. My fingers are always crossed these days.
And that brings me to what I am most excited to write about. Today Gabe and I have been together for seven years. When I say it out loud or see it in writing like that it feels weird. Seven years. I know that’s beans to a lot of people out there who are going on 20 and 30 and 40 years of togetherness, but I’m still in this odd period of adulthood where it seems strange that I can say that I’ve been doing something for that long of a time, like working for the same company for six years. Life is moving faster and faster all the time. So, over the past year did I feel the “seven-year itch”? Sure. But to me it is not a bad nor scary thing to wonder what life might be like if I were living it differently, in any number of ways. I think anyone who says that they don’t do that from time to time is probably lying. Things changed quite a bit for Gabe and I this year, we got better at some things and worse at others. Life got tougher as we both became exhausted with busy schedules, lack of time together and the overwhelming desire for Gabe not to be a student anymore. The fights got a little bigger and sometimes lasted a little longer. But we learned how to apologize better than we ever have before. We learned how to cling to each other when everything else around us felt exceedingly crappy. We tried to focus our energy on the future, making plans and creating excitement for what we hope will come to fruition. And through it all I continued to be amazed by the man with whom I am sharing my life. By his patience, his understanding, and his willingness to do whatever it takes to make the best life we can together. Especially when a few of those fights ended with us agreeing that our way of handling something just wasn’t working. I have learned that getting yourself out of those kinds of situations with someone else and trying to be better on the other side takes a lot of strength and a lot of grace. I have been amazed at how much I can still learn about him, and how much I know I will continue to learn. And I have realized how important he is, this other half of mine. As independent as I am and alone as I sometimes like to be, I simply could not do without him. And I know without a doubt, I am at my best with him. So for that and everything else I say, my darling Gabe, I love you. And thank you. You see it all and just keep on giving with that great big heart of yours. You’re the bomb babycakes.
See you soon -
(last three photos taken on my iPhone and edited with the VSCO Cam app)
I am going to keep my words here brief. I suppose I could go on about what I’ve been up to during my posting hiatus, but suffice it to say, I’ve been living life. I’ve been doing fun things, Thanksgiving things, and as life demands, a few boring things as well. After a busy wedding season, I’ve been enjoying taking a break.
This was the first shoot I had post-weddings and I couldn’t have picked a better way to unwind than hanging out with this family. Although I have no doubt that raising two daughters keeps Mike and Laura busy, on the outside looking in I can say with certainty that there is a lot of simplicity to their life together. They are two people who have been in love for a long time and who are madly in love with their kids. What else is there to say besides that? They are growing a beautiful family together and it brings them a lot of joy. In their house there is music and creativity and life. It floods every square inch. Oh, and there is a lot of plaid which I think is pretty excellent.
Laura and Mike and Ingrid and Irene, I am so glad to “officially” know you all. Thank you for inviting me into your home and into your little slice of the world – it is wonderful.
With love. Meg.
P.S. Hope everyone out there in the internets is having a fantastic holiday season!